I keep procrastinating writing a blog post. I don't want to see the words on the page. I want to wait until there is good news. Until things are moving. Until everything is just the way I want it to be. Then, I will write. Then, I will come here all cheerful and bubbly, with wise words of "hanging on when it is tough" and how "the wait is worth it" and everything else a little too perfect for the real world. But I am not going to say anything like that. I am going to say instead that we are STILL waiting on PA. A process that is supposed to take days is taking weeks. And it isn't that I am impatient. I mean, I probably am, but that isn't really the problem. The "problem" with it taking so long is that each day that passes now at this step means a day longer that LongLong is in an orphanage. Another day that she isn't tested to see if her Cancer has relapsed (Heaven forbid). Another day without the love of a family. It isn't that I want it to be done now. It is just that each day is a day that she...well, that she remains an ORPHAN. And everything that means.
I am trying to be humble. I am trying to have faith that everything will happen in God's time. I am trying to believe He has a plan.
It is hard. Limbo.
I said something on facebook along these lines. I feel like I am a sailor, waiting in the middle of the ocean for a wind to come. For a breeze to pick up and billow the sails and set us back in motion, moving forward. Instead of waiting. Waiting. Still. So very still. Not a breath of wind. No donations have come. No word about PA. No paperwork to complete (if we don't receive PA, it could be years before we qualify to adopt, and after that long our home study will have expired, so we are holding off doing the homestudy until we know we will be able to move forward).
"Be still and know that I am God."
Maybe He is creating the perfect situation to practice this.
Be still.
So, we are STILL waiting. And in STILLness, I will wait. Peaceful. Faithful. Trusting. Be still.
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